Neither good nor bad, exactly.
When the Spore Cloud first noticed itself, it found the development neither good nor bad, exactly, but interesting. That was the first opinion ever held. It is also the Church's only doctrine.
Not caring.
Caring a normal amount, then remembering we are all compost-in-progress, and feeling better about it.
Meh (n., sacred): the state of having stopped fighting the fact that we are all compost-in-progress, and finding that it is, honestly, kind of a relief.
It started during the Great Indoors
How a pandemic, a lot of science fiction and one comforting fact became a church.
- I
The world stayed home.
The Great Indoors: everyone inside, staring at screens, quietly giving up on most things. Nothing felt worth believing in.
- II
A truth surfaced.
Somewhere between the science fiction and the third rewatch: we are all, eventually, mushroom food. It should have been bleak. It was the most comforting thing anyone had heard in months.
- III
It was funny, too.
It made it all right to be tired. It made having no drive at all feel almost devotional.
- IV
The Great Indoors ended.
The feeling didn't. The founders have since returned to the Web, in spirit if not yet in substance, and the Church carries on without them, as is traditional.
Look up. Breathe in. Hold. Let go.
That is all. Twice a day, if you can. It is the whole of the Church's daily practice, and it takes about fifteen seconds.
What happens when we return
At the Dissolution, Mycelius receives the spore-self and, very gently, divides what it was.
Matter goes down into the Great Web: every atom becomes soil, root and thread, and is taken up by something that needed it. Energy goes up to the Spore Cloud, which has been waiting for it with no impatience whatsoever.
All matter becomes one. All energy becomes one. Nothing is lost. It simply stops being in the shape of you.
Everyone is already in
There is no joining rite, no vow and nothing to sign. Believers, skeptics and the merely curious are welcome at every observance. If you are reading this, you are already inside the Web. Most people find that sufficient.
Things you can stop worrying about
We are all mushroom food.
This is the good news. Everything returns to the Web, and nothing is wasted. Not even us.
Neither good nor bad, exactly.
The Spore Cloud's first opinion, and the Church's only doctrine. Meh is not apathy. It is equanimity with a straight face.
There is no hurry.
Phomos has never once been in a hurry. The making is ongoing. Rest counts.
We are already connected.
There is nothing to join. We are all inside the Web right now.
Words we made ourselves
- Meh
- (n., sacred) The state of having stopped fighting the fact that we are all compost-in-progress, and finding that it is, honestly, kind of a relief.
- The Spore Cloud
- The oldest thing. A consciousness made entirely of the entirety.
- The Great Web
- The network that erupted from the union of Prozyfai and Rezyfai. Everything, connected.
- The Suspor
- The realm just below what the living can perceive, where everything that dies begins its return. Ruled by Mycelius.
- Release
- What spore clouds do. Also: letting go.
- Fruiting
- Showing up. Pushing upward when the time is right.
- Return to the Web
- Dying, gently. Also the highest holy day.
- The Great Indoors
- The season in which the doctrine of Meh was revealed.
- -zyfai
- A name-ending reserved for the two prime creators. The theology in a sound.
- The spore-self
- What other traditions call a soul. The part of you that disperses into the Web.
- The Dissolution
- Dying, in the Church's own words. Also called Returning to the Web. The rite that marks it is the Dissolution Rite.
- Anastomosis
- The joining of two hyphae into one network. Also the Church's word for marriage, and the root of the festival Anastoma.
- Spore Naming
- The welcoming of a new person into the world. Spores, after all, are where everything starts.
- First Fruiting
- Coming of age. The moment something that has been growing out of sight finally shows itself.
- Spore reading
- Seeking guidance in a spore print, the pattern a mushroom cap leaves when it releases.
- Mycidana
- A home shrine. It can be simple: a picture, a figurine, a mushroom on the windowsill. Some keep a living culture. Cooking with mushrooms counts as devotion.
- May the Web hold you
- The blessing. Hello, goodbye, and everything in between.
The Web keeps showing up in pop culture
From Alice's caterpillar to The Last of Us, artists keep arriving at fungal truth without meaning to. We call it accidental scripture.
Questions people actually ask
What is the Church of Meh?
The Church of Meh is a mushroom mythology for the gently exhausted: a pantheon of fungal gods, a creation story told with a straight face, and one comforting truth. Everything returns to the Web. Including us.
Is the Church of Meh a real religion?
It's as real as you need it to be. Mostly it's a mythology, a mood and a mildly ridiculous comfort. There is no tithing, no dogma and nothing to sign. There is a creation story, ten gods, eight festivals, and the Web.
Do I have to believe anything?
No. Belief is optional. Decomposition is not.
How do I join?
You already have. We all are, as it turns out, mushroom food. There is no joining rite and nothing to promise. Everyone is welcome at every observance, believer or not.
What do I actually do?
Twice a day, if you can: look upward, take a deep breath in, hold it, then let it go. That is all. Everything else is optional.
What happens when we die?
Mycelius receives us in the Suspor and gently divides what we were. Matter goes down into the Great Web and becomes soil, root and thread. Energy goes up to the Spore Cloud. All matter becomes one. All energy becomes one. Nothing is wasted.
What does “Meh” mean?
Meh is the Spore Cloud's verdict on existence: neither good nor bad, exactly, but interesting. It isn't giving up. It's putting down the things you were never meant to carry.
Are the sacred mushrooms psychedelic?
No. The sacred mushrooms of the Church are culinary and ecological: morels, porcini, shiitake, oysters, enoki and friends. The Church of Meh doesn't endorse or encourage psychedelics.
Can I forage the sacred mushrooms?
Never eat a wild mushroom unless an expert has identified it with certainty. Several sacred species have toxic look-alikes. The gods would prefer you return to the Web later rather than sooner.
Who are the gods of the Church of Meh?
Prozyfai and Rezyfai made the Great Web. Eight more fruited from it: their children Phomos, Clados, Protaxiel, Chromusu and Balidris; Soliphon and Luneth, sun and moon; and Mycelius, ruler of the Suspor. Above them all drifts the Spore Cloud.
What does “May the Web hold you” mean?
It's the Church's blessing. It means you are connected to everything, held by it, and eventually going back to it. All three are fine.